(1) Transparency is not always an illusion. Sometimes, most times, it is, but not always. There are many variables involved. One's extroversion, the other's intuitive skills, their familiarity to each other. You need to have one or two people like that in your life, who can read you, even if it's through a text message, to know it's possible.

One last variable is that, they need to care enough about you, to learn "you" and how to read you. And if it's mutual, then I will call that a "friendship". A friend is not someone who necessarily agrees with you, but is someone who can tell you what you are and what you need, when you can't think straight.

(2) A very typical date [and why they don't ever work, should be transparent!]

- Do you consider yourself a person with many friends?

- Yes, I guess so.

- How would you explain that?

- I never get bored, I will find friends who are doing something whenever I want to.

- Friends? how do you define a "friend"?

- People I hang out with.

- How about close friends?

- Ummm,... [confused smile] people I can connect with at a deeper level.

- What's deep?

- Take Seth for example, we go climbing together four times a week, we have a lot of fun. He is also an engineer, so we connect at that level too. We view engineering from the same perspective.

- [pause, grin] This is the first time tonight, you sound like an American.

- [uncomfortable laughter] Yeah? what's your definition of friendship?

- I won't tell you, the envy will kill you.

PS: I know I'm not being very nice or forgiving, but that's my prerogative and I'm tired. Very very tired and unenthusiastic.

PPS: Like Sumire from Sputnik sweetheart, I write to understand who I am. I need to understand who I am, because I don't know.