Single Tango,...

"Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror." Rosen. Most of us believe that we marry for ideals such as love and romance and practical reasons such as security, companionship, and starting a family. What we are also doing is picking someone who will help us recreate old familiar family patterns. By their very nature, marriages force the issues we have carried with us since childhood into the forefront. Intimate relationships are the mirror that reflects back to us all our emotional baggage. This is no cruel joke, the purpose is to help us face and heal our unresolved issues through repetition. You can not hide your "dark side" in an intimate relationship. Eventually all your hidden demons will emerge.

Blaming your partner for your unhappiness and other problems is futile. It is difficult to see our own shortcomings, yet quite easy to see someone else's. What we do not realize is that what we do not like about the people closest to us, really is what we do not like or accept about ourselves.

Trying to change your partner is another road to futility. The harder you try to make someone else change, the more you alienate them, and the more powerless you become. You can not change another. The only person you have the power to change is yourself. The irony is that if you change, they will have to change. It takes two to tango. The "emotional dance" between the two of you can not continue if one partner refuses to dance.